Recently the question of "direction" has been on my mind. The last few days of turkey and chillin has been good, perhaps too good for my weary mind and body, drained of creativity. (november has been a month of intense graphic design...I need a breather.) On Saturday my roommate Mike and I went out to the burbs to meet my friend Amy..."wonderful Amy". Anna and Lynn joined us, which was awesome.
During the peppermint mocha conversation...something pricked at a root in my soul...like when the dentist numbs your gum so you can't feel anything till he goes in with the spiky needle thingy thing. Ouch. The inevitable question was launched..."so, when are you going back?" This, often loaded question, comes to me everyday in various forms. Sometimes by good friends anxious to see my said dreams and desires come to fruition, sometimes out of a fear that I am staying here for all the wrong reasons. Others ask just because it is one of those obvious next questions you ask someone who is far from home.
After Mike and I watched 2 big wave surfing movies and reminisced our days in the ocean I couldn't help but think about what made me leave sun soaked Africa? What makes any of us go, leave, stay, ????....choice? destiny, direction, purpose...obedience? Man, I feel I am drowning in an ocean of questions regarding. I throw up my hands and shout “Enough, I give up”.
I drove my awesome friend Erika this morning on her way to the airport. She challenged me to enjoy the day, today the moment and every second. Instead of unduly living in the future I want to deal with today, today and revel in today. Part of me wants to recklessly forget about tomorrow and richly enjoy these next 12hrs.
So to you, my questioning friends, I say about the future, “I just don’t know right now.” Life is so fluid. Carving out our lives is not as easy as it looks. It really is like stepping into liquid. But right now I love this wave and I’m going to ride it as long as I can keep my feet on the board. Its all good. Surfs up.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Last words and I’m done.
So I promise this is my last entry, regarding dating singles, blah, blah, blah. I value my life too much to carry on. Who knew two entries could stir so much emotion and sweet chaos. I have loved every second of it. You my friends are all foolishly beautiful. Mmmm… so this is my third strike and I’m out. I’ll make it a short one… mainly because I am typing with my toes. Every struggle comes with a price. A martyr for truth I will die. I can see it now. “Allan Greig- He was a good man. An urban prophet if you will. Slain by prayer-of-jabez-christian singles for his objectionable but honest blogging.”
I have a wonderful friend named Amy. I call Amy wonderful because I think that word was invented for her to say. I love how she says it… so dainty, pure and pretty. Amy is wonderful! Amy swears she will never get married. (She says it, not in that self deprecating single guy way) she says it kindly and sincerely. Anyway, Amy says she hates getting involved with guys because they always mess up her and Jesus.
That was all before she met Greg. She is now head over heels. Amy is in wonderful trouble…. But to Amy’s own surprise she is also more in love with Jesus today then she was yesterday.
In Atlanta a few weeks ago I spoke to this cool hippie dude…which brings up another interesting question, why is it that when a bunch of serious sold out Christians decide to do hardcore community by living together, the first thing that goes is hygiene. What’s up with that? Does anybody hear me on this? Mhm… and this is not one of those unsolvable mysteries like how does the Trinity work or why is the city full of pigeons but nobody has ever seen a baby pigeon. (See, now that’s real mystery) I eventually want to get to the bottom of this hippie hygiene one….
Anyway…the hippie guy said something real cool that stuck with me. After he told me he didn’t reckon he was ever going to get married he said something that kinda stunned me; “I want to be in whatever position makes me shine brightest for jesus.” Now I know this sounds cheesy to some of you and others of you are still puzzled over the baby pigeon thing but when he said this there was such crazy power in it. It was the power to be totally dead to those strong, annoying, nagging desires and self-dreams. He wasn’t just saying it like most of us professional WWJD-christians, he really, really meant it… I really believed him. So this is where I am at… wanting to die to my wants, dreams and desires, reserving my highest affections for the ultimate pursuer of my soul. This is my real journey, my greater quest.
I wear a black rubber wrist band which is a reminder to myself of my daily funeral….and lets face it, it also looks ridiculously cool on my mocha melanin.
So wherever you are at……may you shine brightly for the lover of your soul as you pour out your highest affections on Him.
I have a wonderful friend named Amy. I call Amy wonderful because I think that word was invented for her to say. I love how she says it… so dainty, pure and pretty. Amy is wonderful! Amy swears she will never get married. (She says it, not in that self deprecating single guy way) she says it kindly and sincerely. Anyway, Amy says she hates getting involved with guys because they always mess up her and Jesus.
That was all before she met Greg. She is now head over heels. Amy is in wonderful trouble…. But to Amy’s own surprise she is also more in love with Jesus today then she was yesterday.
In Atlanta a few weeks ago I spoke to this cool hippie dude…which brings up another interesting question, why is it that when a bunch of serious sold out Christians decide to do hardcore community by living together, the first thing that goes is hygiene. What’s up with that? Does anybody hear me on this? Mhm… and this is not one of those unsolvable mysteries like how does the Trinity work or why is the city full of pigeons but nobody has ever seen a baby pigeon. (See, now that’s real mystery) I eventually want to get to the bottom of this hippie hygiene one….
Anyway…the hippie guy said something real cool that stuck with me. After he told me he didn’t reckon he was ever going to get married he said something that kinda stunned me; “I want to be in whatever position makes me shine brightest for jesus.” Now I know this sounds cheesy to some of you and others of you are still puzzled over the baby pigeon thing but when he said this there was such crazy power in it. It was the power to be totally dead to those strong, annoying, nagging desires and self-dreams. He wasn’t just saying it like most of us professional WWJD-christians, he really, really meant it… I really believed him. So this is where I am at… wanting to die to my wants, dreams and desires, reserving my highest affections for the ultimate pursuer of my soul. This is my real journey, my greater quest.
I wear a black rubber wrist band which is a reminder to myself of my daily funeral….and lets face it, it also looks ridiculously cool on my mocha melanin.
So wherever you are at……may you shine brightly for the lover of your soul as you pour out your highest affections on Him.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Dating and Waiting...and waiting....and still waiting.
This entry is born out of conversations produced by the last Blogg. Mary was the only one brave enough to comment while others of you emailed and confronted me face to face. Yes I am still alive…though typing with one hand.
In sharing my ABC singles in waiting theory / Marriage- many single peoples inevitable fate, I came across some other very interesting theories. Because I want to protect those who so kindly shared wisdom gleaned from the rugged terrain of the dating world I have chosen to keep my two guests anonymous and so have given them pseudo names. One we will call Chris and the other Michael.
An Interview-
A: So Mr.Chris good to have you on the show this evening.
C: Its good to be here, and might I say Allan you look stunning in that no-logo t-shirt and those hemp cargo pants.
A: Why thank you Mr.C, no need to suck up to me. I’m not your schoolteacher.
A: Mikey, whats up with you?
M: Allan, its always a pleasure to sit with such a great South African legend.
A: Mikey. Mikey… I know…. Yes it is often overwhelming to be around myself. So lets start with you. What is your philosophy on dating Christian women in Chicago?
M: Well,… “Christian” is a relative term really. In a country with such a rich religious background, every person, I am sure can trace their roots back to some form of Puritan Anabaptist Judeo-Christian belief system. So really, I think the playing field is level and I tend not to discriminate when it comes to defining a young ladies complex spiritual heritage.
A: O..kay. Well glad we cleared that one up old boy. So basically you are saying you don’t really have a standard….
M:..uhh…yaah that’s one way of saying it.
A: Mr. Chris, earlier you mentioned your theory on Cost Benefit Ratio. Explain that.
C: I would like to add that those soft rubber quicksilver flip-flops you have on are very, very becoming…
A: Yeah, whatever.
C: The CBR as I like to refer to it basically helps a single man decide whether a young lady is worth keeping around for any set amount of time. So at some point in a relationship a young man must look at his relationship, re-evaluate by asking such questions as; is her performance providing at least 5+ out of 10 or is it a low 3, thus meaning she has to go. Really the CBR formula can be applied to anything from international exporting of raw materials to determining the worth-while-ness of continuing a strained relationship.
A: Mhmm…good luck with that one mate.
A: So clearly these kind gentle men have taught us here today that… well they haven’t really taught us anything but to deduce a conclusion from what they were trying to say…
Even if things don’t work out with you and your desired whomever it still remains true that “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, or that “There IS someone out there just for you”…
Yeah right…what a load of crap…-These, I like to refer to as the false encouragement statements from people who either got married when they were 17 and don’t know what the hell they’re talking about or often spoken by some Joshua-harris-christian-wannabe who was lied to by their well meaning, but just as confused, youth pastor, who was having dating troubles of his own while he was advocating “True Love Waits” material and “Focus On the Family” Bible studies that basically really only left you deathly scared of catching any and every venereal disease know to man and some he made up just to scare the hell out of you.
You see the truth is…
I’ve decided that there might not be someone out there “just for you.” And there really aren’t “plenty of fish in the sea”. And we need to be okay with that. Now I’m not advocating some form of lowering your standards but perhaps the standards we were sold didn’t take into account the incredible brokeness of our world and just how messed up and fractured this life leaves ALL of us. None of us have our stuff together. None of us! No guy is Jesus and no girl is perfect. Reality is that we are bumped and broken and it’s the people you decide to share this incredible journey with that make it all worthwhile. For me right now its people like Chris and Mike and perhaps along the way my brokeness might make someone else less broken. That’s where the magic is at… and together we make something that looks a little more whole then when we started this long walk home. Welcome to reality.
* I write this knowing that this might be my last Blog entry but c’mon folks, lets beautify reality and opt out of buying this terribly fake fairy tale stuff.
In sharing my ABC singles in waiting theory / Marriage- many single peoples inevitable fate, I came across some other very interesting theories. Because I want to protect those who so kindly shared wisdom gleaned from the rugged terrain of the dating world I have chosen to keep my two guests anonymous and so have given them pseudo names. One we will call Chris and the other Michael.
An Interview-
A: So Mr.Chris good to have you on the show this evening.
C: Its good to be here, and might I say Allan you look stunning in that no-logo t-shirt and those hemp cargo pants.
A: Why thank you Mr.C, no need to suck up to me. I’m not your schoolteacher.
A: Mikey, whats up with you?
M: Allan, its always a pleasure to sit with such a great South African legend.
A: Mikey. Mikey… I know…. Yes it is often overwhelming to be around myself. So lets start with you. What is your philosophy on dating Christian women in Chicago?
M: Well,… “Christian” is a relative term really. In a country with such a rich religious background, every person, I am sure can trace their roots back to some form of Puritan Anabaptist Judeo-Christian belief system. So really, I think the playing field is level and I tend not to discriminate when it comes to defining a young ladies complex spiritual heritage.
A: O..kay. Well glad we cleared that one up old boy. So basically you are saying you don’t really have a standard….
M:..uhh…yaah that’s one way of saying it.
A: Mr. Chris, earlier you mentioned your theory on Cost Benefit Ratio. Explain that.
C: I would like to add that those soft rubber quicksilver flip-flops you have on are very, very becoming…
A: Yeah, whatever.
C: The CBR as I like to refer to it basically helps a single man decide whether a young lady is worth keeping around for any set amount of time. So at some point in a relationship a young man must look at his relationship, re-evaluate by asking such questions as; is her performance providing at least 5+ out of 10 or is it a low 3, thus meaning she has to go. Really the CBR formula can be applied to anything from international exporting of raw materials to determining the worth-while-ness of continuing a strained relationship.
A: Mhmm…good luck with that one mate.
A: So clearly these kind gentle men have taught us here today that… well they haven’t really taught us anything but to deduce a conclusion from what they were trying to say…
Even if things don’t work out with you and your desired whomever it still remains true that “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, or that “There IS someone out there just for you”…
Yeah right…what a load of crap…-These, I like to refer to as the false encouragement statements from people who either got married when they were 17 and don’t know what the hell they’re talking about or often spoken by some Joshua-harris-christian-wannabe who was lied to by their well meaning, but just as confused, youth pastor, who was having dating troubles of his own while he was advocating “True Love Waits” material and “Focus On the Family” Bible studies that basically really only left you deathly scared of catching any and every venereal disease know to man and some he made up just to scare the hell out of you.
You see the truth is…
I’ve decided that there might not be someone out there “just for you.” And there really aren’t “plenty of fish in the sea”. And we need to be okay with that. Now I’m not advocating some form of lowering your standards but perhaps the standards we were sold didn’t take into account the incredible brokeness of our world and just how messed up and fractured this life leaves ALL of us. None of us have our stuff together. None of us! No guy is Jesus and no girl is perfect. Reality is that we are bumped and broken and it’s the people you decide to share this incredible journey with that make it all worthwhile. For me right now its people like Chris and Mike and perhaps along the way my brokeness might make someone else less broken. That’s where the magic is at… and together we make something that looks a little more whole then when we started this long walk home. Welcome to reality.
* I write this knowing that this might be my last Blog entry but c’mon folks, lets beautify reality and opt out of buying this terribly fake fairy tale stuff.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Marriage- many single people’s inevitable fate (a catchy title)
“Being single is a dream. Getting married is when you wake up.” I heard this soulfully spoken in that well-son-when-I-was-your-age tone of voice from a married friend of mine who took it upon himself to caution me (along with many others) on the realities, toughness and struggles of married life. And yes in the words of G.Bush I nervously reply, I know “its hard work”.
Yes I am at that age where those, especially of the downhill category, seem to think that I am “on the market” or eligible for harnessing. (It’s just a metaphor. Get over it.) This entry is written as a “be real” to all those singles out there whom proclaim singleness till the rapture but can’t seem to stop sharing their deep and often profound thoughts on the married life. These folks fascinate me as they consistently and regularly swear, “I think I could be single for life” or “I just don’t think I’m made to get married.”
This is what I conclude in my brash cocky, and immature rude boy fashion;
a. These people are either trying to convince themselves that if someone doesn’t show up, they’ll be okay.
b. Or if someone does show up they can proclaim a wondrous miracle, which always seems to start with the phrase “who would have thought. When I least expected it…”
c. Or sadly they’re attempting to play cosmic chess aka reverse psychology with God, the infinite creator of the heavens and the earth. Which I’m sure makes for good laughs in the throne room on the occasional off day.
I myself ain’t too cool to admit that I look forward to the day when I get to give up my “single but encouraged” status in exchange for someone whose hand I can gently touch while I read a good book in a coffee shop on a cool fall morning. Or someone I just love hanging out with regardless of what we’re doing, especially when that annoying feeling of making the weekend worthwhile creeps upon me.
And I’m not trying to smack talk singleness as I have thoroughly enjoyed these years of travel, experience and deep and awesome friendships, I otherwise doubt I would have had. What I am trying to say is… I think its okay to express a longing or desire for something other something so sacred, grand and beautiful as marriage. And all you married folks, please keep bringing the truth but surely there is a way to do it without beating out the wonder, the mystery and the beauty of something that many of us single and unsatisfied,…darn it, I mean
satisfied, single and satisfied folks are truthfully looking forward to. Coz the reality is this will be many single people’s inevitable fate.
Yes I am at that age where those, especially of the downhill category, seem to think that I am “on the market” or eligible for harnessing. (It’s just a metaphor. Get over it.) This entry is written as a “be real” to all those singles out there whom proclaim singleness till the rapture but can’t seem to stop sharing their deep and often profound thoughts on the married life. These folks fascinate me as they consistently and regularly swear, “I think I could be single for life” or “I just don’t think I’m made to get married.”
This is what I conclude in my brash cocky, and immature rude boy fashion;
a. These people are either trying to convince themselves that if someone doesn’t show up, they’ll be okay.
b. Or if someone does show up they can proclaim a wondrous miracle, which always seems to start with the phrase “who would have thought. When I least expected it…”
c. Or sadly they’re attempting to play cosmic chess aka reverse psychology with God, the infinite creator of the heavens and the earth. Which I’m sure makes for good laughs in the throne room on the occasional off day.
I myself ain’t too cool to admit that I look forward to the day when I get to give up my “single but encouraged” status in exchange for someone whose hand I can gently touch while I read a good book in a coffee shop on a cool fall morning. Or someone I just love hanging out with regardless of what we’re doing, especially when that annoying feeling of making the weekend worthwhile creeps upon me.
And I’m not trying to smack talk singleness as I have thoroughly enjoyed these years of travel, experience and deep and awesome friendships, I otherwise doubt I would have had. What I am trying to say is… I think its okay to express a longing or desire for something other something so sacred, grand and beautiful as marriage. And all you married folks, please keep bringing the truth but surely there is a way to do it without beating out the wonder, the mystery and the beauty of something that many of us single and unsatisfied,…darn it, I mean
satisfied, single and satisfied folks are truthfully looking forward to. Coz the reality is this will be many single people’s inevitable fate.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Sarah McLachlan for President
“Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one that means less for some.” – Sarah McLachlan
So I awoke this morning… dug my car out from underneath the pile of falling leaves, did my morning assessment of this fine Chicago November weather…ahhh…defiantly Sarah McLachlan weather. Mmmm…my soundtrack for the day.
If you have not seen her amazing, freakin’ awesome video “World’s On Fire” you need to see it. It is thee best, most stunning, meaningful music video ever made. So if you’re surfin’ the web and have a few minutes to have your mind blown away. Go to the www.Vh1.com site and search for it or if you are as stylin’ as me go to the Apple iTunes store and search for it there.
If it doesn’t leave your veins pumpin’ with fire then call me and I will come over with a defibrillator and attempt to resuscitate your stone cold heart.
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one that means less for some.” – Sarah McLachlan
So I awoke this morning… dug my car out from underneath the pile of falling leaves, did my morning assessment of this fine Chicago November weather…ahhh…defiantly Sarah McLachlan weather. Mmmm…my soundtrack for the day.
If you have not seen her amazing, freakin’ awesome video “World’s On Fire” you need to see it. It is thee best, most stunning, meaningful music video ever made. So if you’re surfin’ the web and have a few minutes to have your mind blown away. Go to the www.Vh1.com site and search for it or if you are as stylin’ as me go to the Apple iTunes store and search for it there.
If it doesn’t leave your veins pumpin’ with fire then call me and I will come over with a defibrillator and attempt to resuscitate your stone cold heart.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
for such a time as this
I know my last few blogs have been “serious” or “spiritual” as some of you have commented but…this is where I am at right now. And besides it feels right to my soul to vent thus.
A couple of days ago I got to go to the Martin Luther King Historical site in Atlanta where MLK is buried. It is a place that echoes with revolution and justice. As you walk from room to room with his speeches resounding in your ears and the awesome power of his rhetoric visible to your eyes you can’t help but be inspired by this life well lived. But it was the humanity of this hero that I was fascinated by. His raggedy old bible, his Aramis cologne, stylin’ cuff links and travel alarm clock…all lying there, frozen in history... Mmmm… I was quietly thrilled because it left me with a sense of his everydayness. It left me thinking how normal this man was and it made his life seem touchable, reachable. It made me realize that he simply chose to stand. He chose to be free, to live differently at any cost.
It made me wonder; who are the revolutionaries of our day? And who will they be? For, like MLK, we too are mere earthlings with the potential to bring the necessary revolution. (I spent some good time with Shane Claiborne from the Simple Way this week too…he is one of these revolutionaries.) Why do I not choose to live differently? Are not the freedoms that the kingdom I live for not worth it? Of course they are. Is life in this world and society all well and good, and so not requiring the protest of my youthful angst? I think not! I fear it is because I have mistakenly pledged allegiance to another kingdom, the kingdom of myself. Perhaps I worry too much for “me”. Not my life but my ego, my desires, what people will think. When a reporter asked King if he feared for his life he said, “My life is of no consequence to the cause.” I want this conviction of living… I want this conviction of dying.
“A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
A couple of days ago I got to go to the Martin Luther King Historical site in Atlanta where MLK is buried. It is a place that echoes with revolution and justice. As you walk from room to room with his speeches resounding in your ears and the awesome power of his rhetoric visible to your eyes you can’t help but be inspired by this life well lived. But it was the humanity of this hero that I was fascinated by. His raggedy old bible, his Aramis cologne, stylin’ cuff links and travel alarm clock…all lying there, frozen in history... Mmmm… I was quietly thrilled because it left me with a sense of his everydayness. It left me thinking how normal this man was and it made his life seem touchable, reachable. It made me realize that he simply chose to stand. He chose to be free, to live differently at any cost.
It made me wonder; who are the revolutionaries of our day? And who will they be? For, like MLK, we too are mere earthlings with the potential to bring the necessary revolution. (I spent some good time with Shane Claiborne from the Simple Way this week too…he is one of these revolutionaries.) Why do I not choose to live differently? Are not the freedoms that the kingdom I live for not worth it? Of course they are. Is life in this world and society all well and good, and so not requiring the protest of my youthful angst? I think not! I fear it is because I have mistakenly pledged allegiance to another kingdom, the kingdom of myself. Perhaps I worry too much for “me”. Not my life but my ego, my desires, what people will think. When a reporter asked King if he feared for his life he said, “My life is of no consequence to the cause.” I want this conviction of living… I want this conviction of dying.
“A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
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