past, present, future and 5 things

10 Years Ago
10 years ago I was a freshman in Art School. It was pretty much the worst year of my life, despite the fact that I was pretty much the best artist I knew. Half my classes were in a language I didn’t understand. I had just moved to a new country, which I didn’t want to be in and I had just left my high school girlfriend. It was the first time in 10 years I lived at home and the first time I had to get a real job. But let’s face it; the year was redeemed by the fact that the greatest movie ever made was released this year. That’s right, Braveheart.

5 Years Ago
I was a youth pastor in a “Community” Church (undercover Baptist church) working with teenagers whom had saved my soul from the lake of fire otherwise known as the advertising industry. They gave me the greatest job in the world! I drove the coolest car in the world too, a little red mini, which they used to hide from me. Ah, good times; 7 people, 5 skateboards, 2 guitars and no gas. I took a trip to Germany, Australia and across the US from NY to SF and fell in love with Chicago that year.

Yesterday
I was at a radio station. Our ministry was live on the air. An older couple, friends of mine, begged to set me up. I had a Wendy’s salad for lunch. And I almost blew the speakers in my car listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Today
Not much has happened today. The coffee's good. I’ll be back at the radio station. And there is a serene quiet in my soul today. Thank you Lord.

Tomorrow
I am going to Rhythm, a drum circle and I am taking my Djembe from Burkina Faso in West Africa, to introduce him to other drums. It’s kinda like a dog park but for drums.

5 Snacks
1. Mixed Nuts
2. Trail mix
3. Chocolate nuts or raisins
4. Biltong (spicy dry smoked meat)

5 Band whose songs I know most of the lyrics to
1. Coldplay
2. Counting Crows
3. Tracy Chapman (first album I ever memorized all the words to)
4. Sting
5. Bob Marley

5 Things I would do with $100, 000, 000
Peter: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, he don't do shit.
Okay, seriously.
1. I would obviously invest.
2. I would buy a ranch on the coast by Cape Town in South Africa. It would exist to give people experiences with God and each other that would change their lives forever.
3.Use it to do orphan rescue and care church planting in Sub Sahara Africa.
4. I would buy everyone a Coke.
5.And I would for sure buy real cool crap and tell people I have lots of money so I could get a smokin’ hot girlfriend who really loves me. “Cause chicks dig a dude with money.”

5 Locations I would like to runaway to.
1. My room
2. San Diego
3. Cape Town (Jesus lives here)
4. Paul’s crib in Pennsylvania
5. My old boarding school in Zambia. (I LOVE this place!)

5 Bad habits I have
1. Biting off my fingernails and flossing with them.
2. Sucking air through my teeth.
3. Withdrawing myself from a group because I like to sometimes just be an observer.
4. Road Rage
5. just generally being a selfish person. I know its not a bad habit. But really this question is here to make me realize how much I suck. Okay I get it.

5 things I like doing
1. Swimming and all that outdoors summer crap.
2. If I can get there I love sincerely worshiping.
3. I enjoy my arts side; painting, music, movies, excellent writing etc.
4. Honest conversations
5. And lets be honest, making out has to definitely fall somewhere in the top five. I’m just saying. keeping it real. Gosh.

5 Things I would never wear
1. Woman’s clothes.
2. A pink shirt. (I guess I’m just not secure enough in my manhood to sport one of these okay.)
3. Ballet shoes. (it’s already been tried).
4. Abercrombie-lame-ass clothes.
5. A thong.

5 TV shows I like
1. Everwood.
2. That 70’s Show.
3. Friends (I started watching this the week it ended).
4. BBCNews World Report.
5. Punk’d (when I get to go over to my rich friends who have cable)

5 Movies I like
1. Braveheart.
2. Family Man.
3. Good Will Hunting.
4. Before Sunset.
5. Office Space. (it gets a mention since I quoted it in this post)
6. Reality Bites. (so I wrote six, sue me.)

5 Famous People I would like to meet
1. Martin Luther King Jr. & Martin Luther (since they have the same name they count as one.)
2. Dietrich Bonhoeffer
3. St. Augustine
4. Brad Pitt (since he’s a celebrity he counts as half a person. So can I add Bob Marley?)
5. My great, great, great etc grandfather whom was around in Jesus day.

5 Biggest Joys at the moment
1. Awesome friends
2. Painting
3. My wonderfully sad music choices at the moment.
4. The fact we will be playing volleyball this Sunday on North Avenue beach.
5. Knowing I gave it my best shot. No regrets.

5 Favorite Toys
1. my iPod
2. my record player
3. this blog (at times)
4. djembe
5. I really want a good, size 5 soccer ball so that it can become my favorite. (hint, hint it’s like my birthday soon. My spiritual birthday or something like that coming up here pretty soon.)

5 People to Tag
Nic, Paul, David, Greg, Erika.

WOW that was a task! It would have been easier to write a 15-page paper on the hypostatic union of Christ.

Here's to

I love Coldplay! I’m talking deep romantic feelings. Last weekend I got to see them live at Alpine Valley in WI. On Wednesday night I found an original imported copy of their very first EP Blue Room, at an independent record store down the street. But this week I have rediscovered how simply beautiful their lyrics are. Longing galore with tiny, tiny glimmers of hope. Somehow they articulate the profound beauty that comes from the struggles of the heart. But it’s a victorious pain. And that kind of pain is hard to pull off without sounding snide or bitter. It’s rare. Where do they get this material?
The heart?
I think so. I think if you dare to gaze deep enough into the heart and peal back the choking layers of pride, fear, regret etcetera you will find the treasure of treasures, a jewel so very tender so very magnificent.

In some cultures they say that the heart is not the center of the being. They say the stomach; the eyes or the mind are the focal point of a person. I disagree. I swear the heart is where the soul dwells. If you have ever had your entire soul saturated with pain you will know that those deep vibrations, those post tremors, those core eruptions originate from the heart.

“The heart is an organ of fire” is my favorite quote about the heart. I know it should probably be the popular biblical warning, “guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (prov4:23)
But I like this raw idea that these feelings and emotions that can physically weigh down ones being are likened to a raging furnace, a fire that consumes the entire person. The stomach refuses food, the eyes leak tears and the mind looses focus. And the soul, through the heart, tries desperately to breath in meaning, relief, and air. Yeah, I think the heart truly is the center of our being. Mhhhmmmm.

Here’s to the Heart. Here’s to Coldplay.

A simple Waltz for Mary

This is a song of all that went wrong
A song about love about pain

This is a poem about life and a home
A home for you and for me

This is a verse of heartache and the curse
The curse of falling for you

The heart it drops it shudders it stops.
It strains and it breaks from all the mistakes.
Inevitably the future will be.

A bridge was made but friendships they fade from red to blue to grey.
The embers they burn and together we turn
never to be seen again.

Farewell sweet kiss it is you I will miss
But my heart it belongs down below.
There’s no death no life no war no strife…
just silence and darkness and snow.

Farewell my lass this for you shall soon pass
But for me my last breath I had left
Deep rivers they run but my heart has grown numb
Sweet end you have finally come.

“It’s all good, from Diego to the Bay.” –Pac & Dre

I’m back from a brilliant, brilliant tour of the Californian coastline. It was stunning! Rather than posting beautiful sunsets pics, which I don’t have I will highlight from the few pics I took. We landed in the big SD and crawled from beach to beach till we hit San Fran. We went from 5 star pampering on a golf course estate to crappy student hostiles to sneaking into State Beaches to camp out.
The bearded John the Baptist look-alike is my wingman Paul. He’s off to Micronesia for 2yrs with the Peace Corps and so we had one last bout of chasing loose women…………… chasing them into the loving arms of the Lord of course.

Take a look see. Thanks to all y’all who prayed for me to have a relaxing, refreshing time away.
Right on.


Contemplating the deeper meaning of life and wondering where the heck the Golden Gate Bridge is.

This TIME magazine billboard was brilliant. The perfect use of simple words and images. I’m ready to subscribe.

Hard Rock Café, San Francisco. We meet two guys from Austria and Italy whom we surfed with in SD we later hooked up with in San Fran.

Anyone who knows Cali will know "In and Out Burger" and what a ridiculously sweet breakfast lunch and dinner spot this is. (They are also open for morning and afternoon snack time.)

Surfer Paul, after we spent a day being thrashed by the waves. We all got worked real good. Note to self- don’t wear wet board shorts for the whole day. Nappy rash makes for an unpleasant walk along the beach.

San Diego harbor- bella. I love San Diego!

Traffic came to a sudden halt as a suicide jumper was talked down off the bridge over the Pacific Coast Highway.

At Golden Gate Park we rented some hybrid cart/bicycle sort of contraptions and went jetting around the little paths knocking over old folks who were innocently stopping to smell the flowers.

Yes, yes...good times had by all. I want to make a quick shout out to my boy Paul. You rock spanky. A shout out to Lonely Planet Travel Guide..you became our cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. Shout out to Erika and Sara for hookin' us up at the Hotel Del Vista. One last shout out, thank you Lord for letting us love life and your creation. You are Beautiful.

"California here we come right back where we started from..."

On Sunday we played some great games of beach volleyball. I finally found my groove with my serve. I can’t exactly remember when I figured out how to serve like this. In fact I think the whole thing is kinda an accident. But allow me to brag a bit here; in High School my “Scud Missile Serves” became legendary after we won a 15-0 game just because our opponents couldn’t return the ball. The only problem is that if I lose any focus whatsoever I’m screwed and the ball ends up in Kingdom Come and I end up looking like an over zealous amateur. If I hesitate, or take my eyes off the ball for a fraction of a second, I loose total control. I find that even if my thoughts wander for a microsecond, all is lost. Focus is everything!

Over supper tonight with Mary, I used this silly little illustration to best describe where I am at, at this point in life. I feel like I am so weary that I have been losing focus far to frequently. I’m trying to do life as best as I know how but I know I look like an over zealous amateur, striking out. The good news is that I’m still in the game. I think I need a time out to grab a Gatorade and refresh before I pull out my wicked serve and game on. So I’m taking a time out and heading off to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

One more day of work and then I’m westbound! Yes, the golden State will welcome me with love and smiles. My wingman, the Apostate Paul and I are taking another trip. This time it’s not for New Years in Time Square or a wedding in Canada or the sights in DC. This time it’s to the warm waters of the Pacific, the grape laden vines of Napa Valley and the sun soaked beaches of Santa Cruz. The next two weeks are going to be about refreshing, refocusing, rejuvenating and getting my groove back……and maybe a little Cabernet Sauvignon.

If you remember, please pray for me.